As a kid, I always wanted to be a Mr. Whippy ice cream truck driver.

My undamaged ears could pick up the dissonant frequency of ‘Greensleeves’ from kilometers away. Like one of Pavlov’s dogs, I would instantly salivate at the thought of a sherbet dip, adorned with a chocolate flake. So, with the help of my twin sister, we would swiftly begin to collate the various examples of good behaviour we had achieved throughout the week, in order to persuade my parents that we deserved this sweet treat.

In all honestly, it didn’t take much convincing. Our parents loved us, and it was the easiest way to distract us from beating the shit out of each other.

But why am I telling you this? 

Unfortunately, the sharks on Shark Tank have more revolutionary products to invest their money in, so in order to chase this dream in the future, I will have to earn my investment the traditional way: By spending years in advertising, studying the tricks of the trade, refining my craft, and learning from the best, to one day be able to expertly promote my small mobile ice cream truck business to people less easily persuaded than my loving parents.

I have a Green Card, a dream, and with your help, hopefully a job in advertising.

Let’s get professionally weird together.